WEDDING NOTES – Engagement Customs

Engagements have always been about a time of preparation for the bride and the groom.  There is much to be decided – where to live, meet the families and what to select to furnish a new home.  While the needs are similar, there are many different cultural customs to help couples make those decisions.

The engagement ring or betrothal ring dates back to the days of marriage by purchase.  It served as both a down payment on the bride and a symbol of the honorable intentions of the groom to be.  In some cultures, the ring came in three parts.  The bride to be wore one, the groom to be wore one and a witness wore the third piece until the wedding day.  At the ceremony all three pieces were reassembled on the bride’s finger as her wedding ring.

The bridal shower traces its history back to Holland where legend has it a young maiden fell in love with a poor miller.  Her father forbade the marriage, thereby denying her the traditional bride’s dowry.  So the miller’s friends “showered” her with gifts to help the young couple set up housekeeping.

In many cultures, a matchmaker arranged most weddings.  For example, in China, the matchmaker determined if the astrological signs were compatible.  In Uganda, the bride’s elder brother and paternal uncle usually spoke to prospective grooms and negotiated for the family.  While those customs seem strange in America, it might be fun to fine a way to honor someone who introduced the couple, or someone who was a very supportive friend with a special place at the wedding, or with a corsage, small gift or thank you toast at the reception.